CHAPTER 7

"she may lose her memory........."

The words kept ringing in Takeshi's ears. Till now, realities have yet to set in. He still could not believe that all these were for real. As he sat beside her bed looking at her delicate features, he starts to recall how they had first met......

It was Summer holiday. But, he had gone back to school for extra lesson. As he was coming out of the classroom, he saw her..... She took his breath away...... But he quickly turned away and pretended as if he had never even noticed her existence. Yet, he had seen it, he had seen the feelings in her eyes, that tender and loving look when she set her eyes on him. He knew that this was a special girl, a very special one. One who had stolen his heart away with just a glance, a glance he would remember all his life......

His sight turned blurred as his eyes became misty again. It was not long before tears start flowing down his cheeks again. People often said that a man would only shed blood but never tears. Yet now, he finally understood that those who had said it were ignorant, for they had never been to the extreme of sadness. Without ever experiencing extreme sadness, how were they to ever say that a man would only shed blood but not tears? He looked at her passionately, this was the girl he had missed so much for the past years, the girl who haunted his nights for so long, and the most important person in his life....... Yet, here she was, lying motionlessly in front of him. She was in a trance, in a deep deep sleep, oblivious to what was happening around her.

Why did all these happen? Why was it that the operation was not a complete success? Why was it that Heaven had let him found her and yet brutally take her away from him again and again? Takeshi held Kotoko's hand to his, and pressed it to his lips tightly. The hand was icy cold, as if there was not even a trace of life in it. As he there holding her hand, he recalled her words......

"I love you, very much.... that's why...... I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday, but because....... I love you too much, I don't ever want to say goodbye to you..... I don't have much time..... I am leaving soon..... So, instead of having to start and end a relationship, if we never ever started, then we will be together forever ......."

Now, he finally understood what she had meant. It was not that she thought their love would not last, but because she had no time..... it was not that she thought that they would eventually say goodbye, but that she knew she would have to say goodbye to him....... She had loved him dearly...... so much more than he could ever love her.......
Looking at her pale sleeping face, he silently made a vow.

I promise you, no matter what happens, I will always love you. No matter what you become, you will always be the person I love most. I love you, always and forever.......

As he made the vow, a tiny ray of sunlight creeped in from between the curtains. As if a miracle, her fingers suddenly jerked lightly....... Though it was only a small movement, yet it gave him tremendous hope. He rushed out of the ward....

"Doctor! Doctor..... she has woken up.........."

CHAPTER 8

As he waited outside while the doctor gave her a thorough check-up, he finally smiled, a relieved smile..... that she finally pulled through. Maybe now, they can still be together......

After some time, the doctor came out with a pleased smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mimura, your daughter is fine. I have done a thorough check-up for her and I think she should be able to leave the hospital after a month."

He gave a pat on Takeshi's back and smiled at him.

"Go take a look at her......."

Takeshi could only look at the doctor with gratitude. No words could ever express his feelings now. It was as being given a second chance, a second chance at happiness......

He entered the room with her parents. Her parents had known all about it, about how much their daughter loved this boy standing next to them. They too, hoped that she would have a chance with him now, since she escaped from the clutches of death.

"Father.... Mother......"

She called out to them faintly from her bed. Although she was still very frail, but being able to hear her call them again, they were so happy. Hugging her so tightly, it was as if all these were just a nightmare, a nightmare that has passed.

All these while, Takeshi stood there silently, witnessing everything. Thank Heaven! She was fine, she was herself again, the her he loved. At the moment, he felt her eyes on him. He looked at her with a gentle smile.

"Hi....."

She smiled at him faintly. Seeing her smile was enough to make him jump with joy. He could hardly contain his happiness anymore. Thank Heaven, thank you for returning her to me.......

"Who are you?"

His smile froze. His heart started to pound furiously, it could not be so........

He stood outside as the doctor gave her another check-up. He was still standing at the same old place. The same person, standing at the same place, yet now with a different emotion...... His world seem to be falling apart again, barely just after it had been rebuilt.

"Mr. Itsuki, after the check-up, we still cannot find anything wrong with her. Perhaps, that is what we call Selective Amnesia, whereby the patient forgets a portion of his/her memory which is too painful or that he/she does not wish to remember......."

Suddenly, the lights seemed to be spinning. Out of a sudden, his world turned black. When he awoke, the doctor was by his side.

"Mr. Itsuki, you have to take care of yourself. If you do not, you might get an infection, which by then will be very serious. I am afraid we might have to keep you under observation for some time."

"Nothing matters...... so what even if I get an infection? Maybe death would be a better solution........."

The doctor shook his head and left the ward quietly. He knew how hard it was on Takeshi. Who could bear it? To witness your loved one barely escaping from death, and now to witness her no longer remembering you. Even the doctor himself could not figure out why that happened. Some things, he thought, just cannot be explained by Science.

He looked out of the window, it was raining...... Perhaps Heaven was shedding tears of sorrow for Takeshi and Kotoko......

CHAPTER 9

The next day, Takeshi woke up....... He had hardly slept. All night, his thoughts were on her........ He was still unable to believe all this. She had forgotten him.... totally... completely....... He just could not accept it. After all, she loved him too, didn't she? How could anyone possibly forget the person they loved most? How?

He had to see her, he needed to see her....... He got out of bed, and walked to her room. Maybe, maybe by then she would have remembered him..... or maybe, she was just playing a prank with him.......

As he tiptoed into her ward, he saw her, sleeping so peacefully like an angel. He could not help but smiled, she was so perfect........... Suddenly, she opened her eyes.

"Who are you?"

She asked him the devastating question again. He looked at her blankly, not knowing what to say........

"It's me......Takeshi......"

"But I don't know you.............."

His heart turned into a rock. He could not say anything else........ She had really forgotten him. He grabbed her hands tightly.

"It's me, Takeshi....... don't you remember me? The person you loved most! How can you forget? You are just kidding with me, right? It's not funny anymore, Kotoko........ Tell me the truth now........ Don't play with me......."

"But I really don't know you...... and my hands are very painful......."

She withdrew her hands from his grasp and backed off further from Takeshi, as if she was afraid of him.

"No! No... it cannot be.........."

He got frantic and tried to hug her forcefully. She was so shocked that she started screaming for help. Seeing her treat him like this, Takeshi was heart-broken. She had really forgotten him.... totally.... completely........ He let go of her and sat on the floor. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain at his wound. Touching the barely healed wound, he saw blood on his hand. It was not before long before he fainted again. However, as he was losing consciousness, he thought he saw her holding him to her, shouting his name anxiously. It was a happy feeling..........

"Mr. Itsuki, why didn't you heed my advice? You should have remained in your bed instead of wandering around. Now your wound is infected. If you still do not heed my advice, you may lose your life!"

The doctor was very angry with him. How could he simply treat his life so casually?

"What you should do now, is to take a good rest. When you are well, then only can you try to help her retrace her memories of you. It's no use barging into her room forcing her to remember who you are. In fact, it will only make her fear you and shun you. Think about what I have said......"

With that, the doctor left his room, leaving him to ponder over his words carefully.

"Did I really know him?"

She was confused.... how was it that she could remember everything that had happened before, but not him? How could that be?

"Yes.... he was someone very dear to you....... in fact you secretly loved him for almost five years. Don't you remember it anymore? "

Her friend was sitting by her bedside, cutting a slice of apple for her. Like Takeshi, her friend was also shocked to find that she had actually forgotten about Takeshi, as if she had never known this person. Kotoko shook her head slightly.

"No, I really can't remember who he is.............. I don't even think I know him..........."

"Did I.... did I really loved him?"

She thought to herself....... But if it was so, how could I forget the person I loved most? How..............

For the next few days, he finally took the doctor's advice and stayed in bed. He did not went to see her again. Yet, he was thinking about her all the time, all day long. He was thinking of how to let her recall the past....... to remember him. It was only then did he realised that they never had any memories together, not at all........... They were never together, not in the past, not now, and perhaps..... never will............ It made him felt so helpless. There was almost nothing that he could do to try revive her memory of him, it simply seemed like he was never in her life at all.