FINALLY BACK TO NORMAL BLOGGING AFTER A LONG STORY TELLING.. XP

well, i want to make 2 impt announcements..

SEMI-RETIRED:
~ MAPLE
~ BLOGGING



ok, bb.. ^.^ will be back if im really really really free.. ^.^

FINAL CHAPTER

It has been a few days since she saw him. After that very day, he did not look her up anymore. Though she could not explain, but his disappearance made her heart felt empty. But, she simply dismissed the thoughts away. She went back to college to continue her studies. This was an important year for her. If she could do well, then she would be able to go on to University. She hoped to go to TokyoUniversity, it was her dream, to study at the prestigious TokyoUniversity.

That day as she was coming back from school, her mother passed her a letter. The letter felt hard and heavy, as if there was more than a letter in it. She looked at her mother,

"It's from Takeshi. He came over just now and asked me to pass this to you."

Kotoko nodded her head and went to her bedroom. Inside there, she opened the envelope. There was a letter and a cd inside it. She took the letter out and read it...............

To my dearest Kotoko,

I hope everything is fine with you these days, without my existence. That day after I left you, I thought a lot, really a lot. I am sorry, sorry for forcing you to recall things which you cannot remember, sorry for insisting you to remember who I am.

Maybe there are things in life which don't offer a second chance. Perhaps, it was all fated that you should forget me, for it was my cowardice which made me lost a chance to love you, to let you be mine. Perhaps if this is so, there is no point for my insistence. All these while, I really thought a lot. Maybe, you will be happier without my existence, without someone consistently trying to force you do things which you don't wish to.

In the end, I have come upon a decision. It is probably the best solution, for both you and me. A chance for the both of us to have a new life, to start afresh. I have accepted an invitation from the University of Berkeley to study there as an exchange student. Maybe this would be better for the both of us......... In this way, you do not need to worry or be unhappy anymore. As for me, I will do my best there.

I will be leaving Japan tommorow. I really hope to see you there in the airport to send me off, but I am afraid I cannot bear to leave you...... Very contradicting, right? Lastly, I have included a cd in this letter. I hope you will take some time to listen to the cd, for it speaks what I want to tell you, but cannot. Maybe, I will return someday, but I really hope by then, we can at least be friends...........

Love Forever,
Takeshi

**She played the CD and an excerpt of a song cause her to tear.........

Today came with shattered dreams, everything's not what it seems
Don't think death won't come get you, cause it will life's misconstrued
Though my battle's just begun, I'm dropping arms and going to run
I can't wait to see the day, when these painful tears all go
away....


"Are you going to send Takeshi off today? He's leaving in another three hours' time. "

"No......... I am not going......... I can't face him. I am not worthy of his love............."

She could still vividly remember the lyrics of the song he sent her, the song which represented his feelings.........

" around this time tomorrow........ I will be crying...... I will be thinking about you........ You will always be inside my heart.......... because there will always be only you in my heart..................."

She tried to brush the thoughts away, but found she could not. She just could not forget what he wrote........ why did he loved her so deeply, and why could she not remember a single thing about him?

" even if in the future you love someone again............ I'll remember to love, you taught me how..........you are always going to be the one................"

Why was it that he could only love her.................

As she was walking towards the lecture hall, she saw something which made her froze. It was a scene she had saw years ago.......... a person coming out of the classroom in a deep conversation with the teacher, with a serious frown on his face............ She remembered everything............. She remembered it now....................

Instantly, she looked at her watch. It was already one....... His flight was at one thirty......... Without a word, she gave her friend her textbooks and ran off, leaving her friend after her. She had to get there..... get there before he leaves her again. Her legs were giving way soon, but she continued to run. She ran with all her might, she could not stop, she could not, or she would lose him again, maybe forever............. Kotoko just simply ran and ran................ Finally, she reached the airport. It was already one twenty-five. She looked around the airport frantically, trying to search for him. Finally, she saw him, standing there alone at the entrance waiting to check in.

"Takeshi............"

She shouted. It was the first time she had called his name aloud.

He thought he heard someone calling his name. Turning around, he saw her. She had come afterall, to send him. Maybe, maybe this would be the last time he would be seeing her. He smiled sadly at her as she stood there looking at him. He gave her a wave and turned his back, ready to check in. At that moment, Kotoko ran and hugged Takeshi from the back. He was overwhelmed and shocked. Before he could speak, Kotoko continued on.

"I remembered.......... everything...........

I love you, very much.... that's why...... I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday, but because....... I love you too much, I don't ever want to say goodbye to you..... I don't have much time..... I am leaving soon..... So, instead of having to start and end a relationship, if we never ever started, then we will be together forever .......

I finally remembered you..... Takeshi.........."

His eyes were blurred by the tears as he turned and looked at her.

There were tears in her eyes too as she looked back at him lovingly.

Everything was beyond words now, as they hugged each other dearly and tightly.

**But Takeshi decided to keep quiet.. he loosen his grip n just went away.. w/o muttering a single word..

running through his mind: I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday..




*THE END*

BAD ENDING I NOE!..

T_T

CHAPTER 10

It was already two weeks since he heeded the doctor's advice. During the two weeks, he never stepped out of bed. All he did was just lay down and rest. Perhaps in all his life, he never had so much rest. Yet, the rest was tormenting. The rest forbad him from seeing her, it took her away from him for such a long time..........

He laid there on his bed looking at the ceiling. He had been staring at it for so long, that he could spot the cracks almost immediately. Slowly and subconsciously, his thoughts drifted back to her again........

She was standing there at the corner, so pretty and innocent. As he walked out from the classroom, he saw her, for the first time too........ He was bedazzled by her........ He never knew such a special person existed. She was just like an angel, with big round eyes and fair delicate skin. He cheeks were glowing with a tint of rosy red, her smile was so sweet that nectar as compared would be deemed sour. But, he could let no one know about it. He turned his head just as instantenously, and walked straight past her, as if he never noticed her existence.

But now, this was his biggest regret. Had he been braver, had he did something, maybe things would not have come to such a manner. He would have been a part of her life, they would have had memories they shared. Maybe, she would have remembered him..........

His thoughts were interuppted by the doctor who had unknowingly entered the room.

"Mr. Itsuki, I have a piece of good news for you........"

The doctor looked at Takeshi with a pleased look on his face. What good news could there be? Could it be that............

"Congratulations, you can be discharged tommorow........"

Takeshi's face fell. That was not what he wanted. To him, that was not good news.......... His hopes were dashed again. In fact, the news of him being discharged tommorow was more of a bad news, for this meant that he had to leave, leave the place she is in. Did this meant that he had to leave her forever?

"Another piece of good news for you too.........."

The doctor added mysteriously.

"Ms. Mimura would be discharged on tommorow too. "

With that, the doctor left the room, with Takashi deep in thoughts. Not long after he left, Takeshi got out of bed. He put on his slippers and held on the railings as he tried to stabalize himself. It had been two whole weeks since he walked, his legs felt wobbly. Slowly, he walked to her ward. He wanted to see her again. Two weeks of missing her was already far more than he could bear it. How, he wondered, was it that he could have lasted three years without seeing her..............

There was no one in her room, only herself. He knocked softly on the door. She looked up at him with a gentle smile.

"Hi....."

She said softly. He was shocked and surprised. Has she recovered her memory and remembered who he is?

"Kotoko, you remembered who I am? "

He looked at her anticipatingly, but she shook her head, again.

"Can you try to help me find back my memories of you? Everyone told me that you were someone very important to me..........."

He nodded his head. Maybe, maybe she would be able to remember him. He thought hard of the places that he wanted to bring her to, the places which might bring back her memories.

The following days after they were discharged, he brought her to all the places in the school where he always saw her at, he brought her to the basketball court where they once bumped into each other at, he brought her to the classroom where they first met. But, she simply could remember nothing.

"Look, this was the classroom where we first met. Do you recall anything? It was the first time I saw you...... Remember?"

Still, she only shook her head. She was getting tired. Everytime he brought her to a new place, she still could recall not a single thing.

"Think hard, think again........"

He cajoled her, hoping that she might recall something, afterall this was the place where they first met.

"I really cannot.........My head is hurting........"

"Try again, think harder..... Maybe the headache will help to bring back your memories? Or maybe we ........."

Before he could continue, he was cut off by her............

"I really cannot remember a thing....... why must you force me? Maybe I don't remember a thing because I don't want to............ Stop forcing me...... I don't want to remember anything......... anything about you.......... Just let me off......... I am happy as I am now..... Just get out of my life............. I don't want to see you. You bring me nothing but sadness, just leave me alone, please................"

Her words pierced his heart terribly. Was he really such a terrible person in her eyes? Did she really detested him so much? So much that she could say such a thing to him, could break his heart so badly............. He looked at her with a pained look.

"I am sorry............"

She apologised. She was just frustrated and angry. Angry with herself for not remembering a single thing, and frustrated by his persistence. But, he just shook his head.

"It's okay, I know you are tired. I think I better go............"

Takeshi turned his head and walked away. Unknown to Kotoko, as he was walking away, tears were flowing down his cheeks.............

Maybe, he thought, maybe things would be better this way. Since she is happy like that, it might be better to let things be like this forever. Perhaps, it was only his selfishness, wanting her to recall who he is, forcing her to recall who he is. Maybe, he thought, it was impossible to go back to yesterday anymore..............


**next chapter is the final.. T_T

CHAPTER 7

"she may lose her memory........."

The words kept ringing in Takeshi's ears. Till now, realities have yet to set in. He still could not believe that all these were for real. As he sat beside her bed looking at her delicate features, he starts to recall how they had first met......

It was Summer holiday. But, he had gone back to school for extra lesson. As he was coming out of the classroom, he saw her..... She took his breath away...... But he quickly turned away and pretended as if he had never even noticed her existence. Yet, he had seen it, he had seen the feelings in her eyes, that tender and loving look when she set her eyes on him. He knew that this was a special girl, a very special one. One who had stolen his heart away with just a glance, a glance he would remember all his life......

His sight turned blurred as his eyes became misty again. It was not long before tears start flowing down his cheeks again. People often said that a man would only shed blood but never tears. Yet now, he finally understood that those who had said it were ignorant, for they had never been to the extreme of sadness. Without ever experiencing extreme sadness, how were they to ever say that a man would only shed blood but not tears? He looked at her passionately, this was the girl he had missed so much for the past years, the girl who haunted his nights for so long, and the most important person in his life....... Yet, here she was, lying motionlessly in front of him. She was in a trance, in a deep deep sleep, oblivious to what was happening around her.

Why did all these happen? Why was it that the operation was not a complete success? Why was it that Heaven had let him found her and yet brutally take her away from him again and again? Takeshi held Kotoko's hand to his, and pressed it to his lips tightly. The hand was icy cold, as if there was not even a trace of life in it. As he there holding her hand, he recalled her words......

"I love you, very much.... that's why...... I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday, but because....... I love you too much, I don't ever want to say goodbye to you..... I don't have much time..... I am leaving soon..... So, instead of having to start and end a relationship, if we never ever started, then we will be together forever ......."

Now, he finally understood what she had meant. It was not that she thought their love would not last, but because she had no time..... it was not that she thought that they would eventually say goodbye, but that she knew she would have to say goodbye to him....... She had loved him dearly...... so much more than he could ever love her.......
Looking at her pale sleeping face, he silently made a vow.

I promise you, no matter what happens, I will always love you. No matter what you become, you will always be the person I love most. I love you, always and forever.......

As he made the vow, a tiny ray of sunlight creeped in from between the curtains. As if a miracle, her fingers suddenly jerked lightly....... Though it was only a small movement, yet it gave him tremendous hope. He rushed out of the ward....

"Doctor! Doctor..... she has woken up.........."

CHAPTER 8

As he waited outside while the doctor gave her a thorough check-up, he finally smiled, a relieved smile..... that she finally pulled through. Maybe now, they can still be together......

After some time, the doctor came out with a pleased smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mimura, your daughter is fine. I have done a thorough check-up for her and I think she should be able to leave the hospital after a month."

He gave a pat on Takeshi's back and smiled at him.

"Go take a look at her......."

Takeshi could only look at the doctor with gratitude. No words could ever express his feelings now. It was as being given a second chance, a second chance at happiness......

He entered the room with her parents. Her parents had known all about it, about how much their daughter loved this boy standing next to them. They too, hoped that she would have a chance with him now, since she escaped from the clutches of death.

"Father.... Mother......"

She called out to them faintly from her bed. Although she was still very frail, but being able to hear her call them again, they were so happy. Hugging her so tightly, it was as if all these were just a nightmare, a nightmare that has passed.

All these while, Takeshi stood there silently, witnessing everything. Thank Heaven! She was fine, she was herself again, the her he loved. At the moment, he felt her eyes on him. He looked at her with a gentle smile.

"Hi....."

She smiled at him faintly. Seeing her smile was enough to make him jump with joy. He could hardly contain his happiness anymore. Thank Heaven, thank you for returning her to me.......

"Who are you?"

His smile froze. His heart started to pound furiously, it could not be so........

He stood outside as the doctor gave her another check-up. He was still standing at the same old place. The same person, standing at the same place, yet now with a different emotion...... His world seem to be falling apart again, barely just after it had been rebuilt.

"Mr. Itsuki, after the check-up, we still cannot find anything wrong with her. Perhaps, that is what we call Selective Amnesia, whereby the patient forgets a portion of his/her memory which is too painful or that he/she does not wish to remember......."

Suddenly, the lights seemed to be spinning. Out of a sudden, his world turned black. When he awoke, the doctor was by his side.

"Mr. Itsuki, you have to take care of yourself. If you do not, you might get an infection, which by then will be very serious. I am afraid we might have to keep you under observation for some time."

"Nothing matters...... so what even if I get an infection? Maybe death would be a better solution........."

The doctor shook his head and left the ward quietly. He knew how hard it was on Takeshi. Who could bear it? To witness your loved one barely escaping from death, and now to witness her no longer remembering you. Even the doctor himself could not figure out why that happened. Some things, he thought, just cannot be explained by Science.

He looked out of the window, it was raining...... Perhaps Heaven was shedding tears of sorrow for Takeshi and Kotoko......

CHAPTER 9

The next day, Takeshi woke up....... He had hardly slept. All night, his thoughts were on her........ He was still unable to believe all this. She had forgotten him.... totally... completely....... He just could not accept it. After all, she loved him too, didn't she? How could anyone possibly forget the person they loved most? How?

He had to see her, he needed to see her....... He got out of bed, and walked to her room. Maybe, maybe by then she would have remembered him..... or maybe, she was just playing a prank with him.......

As he tiptoed into her ward, he saw her, sleeping so peacefully like an angel. He could not help but smiled, she was so perfect........... Suddenly, she opened her eyes.

"Who are you?"

She asked him the devastating question again. He looked at her blankly, not knowing what to say........

"It's me......Takeshi......"

"But I don't know you.............."

His heart turned into a rock. He could not say anything else........ She had really forgotten him. He grabbed her hands tightly.

"It's me, Takeshi....... don't you remember me? The person you loved most! How can you forget? You are just kidding with me, right? It's not funny anymore, Kotoko........ Tell me the truth now........ Don't play with me......."

"But I really don't know you...... and my hands are very painful......."

She withdrew her hands from his grasp and backed off further from Takeshi, as if she was afraid of him.

"No! No... it cannot be.........."

He got frantic and tried to hug her forcefully. She was so shocked that she started screaming for help. Seeing her treat him like this, Takeshi was heart-broken. She had really forgotten him.... totally.... completely........ He let go of her and sat on the floor. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain at his wound. Touching the barely healed wound, he saw blood on his hand. It was not before long before he fainted again. However, as he was losing consciousness, he thought he saw her holding him to her, shouting his name anxiously. It was a happy feeling..........

"Mr. Itsuki, why didn't you heed my advice? You should have remained in your bed instead of wandering around. Now your wound is infected. If you still do not heed my advice, you may lose your life!"

The doctor was very angry with him. How could he simply treat his life so casually?

"What you should do now, is to take a good rest. When you are well, then only can you try to help her retrace her memories of you. It's no use barging into her room forcing her to remember who you are. In fact, it will only make her fear you and shun you. Think about what I have said......"

With that, the doctor left his room, leaving him to ponder over his words carefully.

"Did I really know him?"

She was confused.... how was it that she could remember everything that had happened before, but not him? How could that be?

"Yes.... he was someone very dear to you....... in fact you secretly loved him for almost five years. Don't you remember it anymore? "

Her friend was sitting by her bedside, cutting a slice of apple for her. Like Takeshi, her friend was also shocked to find that she had actually forgotten about Takeshi, as if she had never known this person. Kotoko shook her head slightly.

"No, I really can't remember who he is.............. I don't even think I know him..........."

"Did I.... did I really loved him?"

She thought to herself....... But if it was so, how could I forget the person I loved most? How..............

For the next few days, he finally took the doctor's advice and stayed in bed. He did not went to see her again. Yet, he was thinking about her all the time, all day long. He was thinking of how to let her recall the past....... to remember him. It was only then did he realised that they never had any memories together, not at all........... They were never together, not in the past, not now, and perhaps..... never will............ It made him felt so helpless. There was almost nothing that he could do to try revive her memory of him, it simply seemed like he was never in her life at all.

CHAPTER 5

"Mr. Itsuki, we are going to give you an anesthetic, so that you would not feel any pain during the whole procedure. After this, we will first bring you to a special germ-free ward to wait for the anesthetic to take effect."

After the injection, he was wheeled into a germ-free ward by a nurse. Inside the ward, he saw that there was a huge curtain separating the entire ward. he looked at the nurse with an enquiringly.

"That is the patient you are saving...... She is such a young child, poor thing, so young and yet suffering from leukemia. Without your bone marrow, she would not be able to live past next month...."

After that, the nurse left the ward, leaving only him and the patient. As the anesthetic begin to take effect, he heard a faint sniffle. It seemed to be coming from the same room.

"Hi.... are you crying?"

She was shocked. She was too overwhelmed by her own emotions that she had not noticed that there was another person in the same ward as her......

"No... nothing.... are you the donor?"

She asked softly.

"Er... yes......."

He was getting drowsy by the moment. But her voice seemed so familiar, as if he heard it before somewhere......

"Thank you......"

Where did he hear it from before? It really seemed familiar to him, but he could not remember. Maybe she is a television artiste? He thought to himself.

"You are welcome.... but why are you crying so bitterly? After I donate my bone marrow to you, you will recover..... and the doctor....."

Before he could finish his sentence, she spoke....

“I am afraid.... that if I never wake up again, I can never see him anymore......?"

"Who?"

"He is someone I love very much...... He said he love me too... But I guess, he doesn’t anymore.... after I broke his heart........"

"How old are you? The nurse told me that you were a very young girl......."

"I am actually 20 this year..... Nurse Todo always treats me as a little girl, but I am actually 20......"

Out of the blue, her image suddenly flashed across his mind.... Could it be that..... No, he shooked his head, how could it be? After all, she has already left this country, isn't it so? He struggled to keep himself awake.....

"Maybe, even if I die.... it would be better...."

She continued talking, not really to him, but herself as well.

"It would be better....to die.... than to live in a world without him...... Why.... when I gave him up,...then did you appear......."

Every word that she said pierced his heart deeply, as he could felt what she was going through....... Tears were flowing from his eyes.....it really was her.......

"I love you, very much.... that's why...... I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday, but because....... I love you too much, I don't ever want to say goodbye to you..... I don't have much time..... I am leaving soon..... So, instead of having to start and end a relationship, if we never ever started, then we will be together forever ....... "

She gasped.

"How did you........."

Before she could finish her words, she fainted.......

CHAPTER 6

He tried to shout for help, but could not..... the drugs were taking effect. He was losing control of himself, as he succumbs to the anesthetic.

"Help.... someone.... Kotoko..... don't......"

As he drift in and out between reality and dreamland, he thought he heard a lot of noises......

"Hurry up, push her into the operating room...... she is slipping away....we have to perform the operation immediately now......."

As the sun ray shone on him, his eye lid flickered. Finally, he opened his eyes......

"Mr. Itsuki, you have woken up. We were so afraid that you might have an infection. Be careful...."

Nurse Todo helped him to a sitting position. What had happened? He tried to recall what had happen just before. Yes, what happened to her?

"How is she? How was the operation?"

He looked at the nurse anxiously, waiting for her to speak. But, the nurse seemed hesitant.... She cleared her throat and shuffled her feet, as if trying to drag time...... She had knew that he was the person she always told her of, the most important person in her life, and she also knew that he loved this young girl very much. So, how could she bear to break the news to him.......

Finally, she opened her mouth.

"The operation was rather successful, but her body was too weak and could not take the operation.... So... so... she fell into a coma......"

He was stunned....... coma? The nurse turned to face the window. She did not want to face Takeshi, did not want to face his grief. She herself was also very upset. She was such a lovely girl, so charming and always so kind to everyone.......

"I want to see her......."

He struggled to get out of bed. It was hard to imagine that so many things would happen within such a short period of time. A week ago, he had just confessed his love to a healthy girl, and now this girl is lying in the hospital, in a coma........ not knowing when she might ever wake up.....

Finally, he saw her. There she was, lying peacefully on the bed, as if nothing had happened, as if she was just in a deep sleep, as if she would suddenly wake up and greet him with a smile on her face...... But it was not so.... she might never wake up..... as he thought of it, tears welled in his eyes. Why? Why did Heaven play such a prank on her? She was such a good person, why did she have to suffer all these?

As he sat next to her clutching her soft hand, the doctor came in. He has also known about Takeshi's relationship with Kotoko from Nurse Todo. He patted him softly on the back, as if giving him encouragement.

"When will she wake up?"

The doctor paused for a while before he spoke

"Mr. Itsuki, there is something which I have to tell you.... During the operation, we also discovered a small benign tumour at the back of Ms.Mimura's head. Although we have successfully removed it, but there is a possibility that when she wakes up, she might lose her memory........"

CHAPTER 3

Dear Takeshi,
Hi, I am really very surprised to receive your letter..... This was something beyond my imaginations. I never knew that all along, you had liked me. Till now, I still cannot believe it. It all seemed just like a dream....

For so many years, I thought I was the one missing you, when you never knew my existence... But to know that someone whom I had loved deeply feels the same way towards me, I am really happy..... All these years, I have always wondered if I had not met you that time, would I still be the old me, who knows nothing about love? I do think so, for you are the one who taught me how to love.

Till now, I never forget anything about you...... the chance encounters that we had, the things that I had done for you secretly.... insignificant things, yet important things to me. Tell you something, actually, all these years, I have also been going back to our ex- school, hoping to see you..... But I never had a chance to see you there..... I always left in disappointment, in sorrow, and almost in tears, for I really missed you very much.
But now that I knew about your feelings, everything is worth it. I have never been so happy before in my life. Thank you for loving me...... for I really love you..... But, we can never be together......

I love you, very much.... that's why I cannot be with you. To begin a relationship with you means that it will end someday, but because I love you too much, I don't ever want to say goodbye to you..... I don't have much time..... I am leaving soon..... So, instead of having to start and end a relationship, if we never ever started, then we will be together forever.......
To know that you love me is already enough, thank you......
I love you........

CHAPTER 4

After that very letter, they never kept contact anymore.....

"Dear Mr. Itsuki,

During our analysis, we have found out that your bone marrow matches with one of our patients. We sincerely hope that you are willing to donate part of your bone marrow in order to save the patient.
Kindly contact us as soon as possible so that we can prepare you for the operation as soon as possible.
Please help this patient. Thank you very much.

Director
Ryonan Hospital,


“Thank you so much for donating your bone marrow. We assure you that the operation is a short and safe one. All we need to do is to extract a portion of your bone marrow and inject it into the patient. This will save the patient's life. Thank you so much, Mr. Itsuki...... By the way, do you want to know some details about the patient whom you are helping? "

“It’s ok, after all, I am just doing my part. I don't need others' gratitude......."

“You are such a kind person, Mr. Itsuki.... Heaven would bless you forever......"

"If only....." he looks up at the sky with a sad face, "then I would never have known such great sorrow......"

What might she be doing now? Has she left? Where has she gone to? He thought to himself. Even though they never kept contact anymore after her only letter, he still remembered her, clearly and painfully. A woman whom he loved and who loved him so deeply too. Though he was devastated to be rejected by him, but he could not blame her too..... How could he? When she herself must be feeling so painful too.... to love someone and yet not be together. It was something which could not be explained easily.

Maybe, he thought to himself.... maybe someday we will meet again...... maybe if we were meant to be, we will be together somehow, no matter what, no matter when......

Silently, he whispered,

I love you...... as if she was standing next to him......

MY NEXT FEW POST WILL BE MAKE INTO A STORY..

BG INFORMATION:
the story is not created by me.. i ran into it while surfing the net.. credit goes to the originator of the story..

story is based from tokyo.. uber lovey dovey.. non-mushy/lovey dovey type pls dont bother to read my next few post..

well, the names in the story quite weird? i guess.. but the story did touch my heart.. ^.^

n the story is uber wordy..

ok here goes..

LOVE LETTERS

CHAPTER 1

Dear Takeshi,

Hi, how are you? You might not know me, but I have known you for a very long time. Since the first time I saw you, I knew you.

I hope that you are not shocked by my confession and certainly even more hope that you would not throw away this letter without even reading it because it really took me a lot of courage to write all these out.

Time really waits for no man. It might be hard for you to believe, but I have actually liked you for almost five years.... Five long years...... I remember seeing this certain scene from a drama that said that a person's love would only last for three years. Yet, after so long, I am still so much in love with you. Maybe, I do think that I might never forget you...... I will love you forever.... no matter what, no matter when.......

I never knew how love felt until the day I met you...... It was a unique and special feeling.... the warmth in the heart, the breathing difficulties when I see you..... the silly smile I always carry when you look in my direction.... Until the day I met you, perhaps I never really loved before..... Perhaps all these years that I have lived, I was only waiting for you, waiting for you to come into my life........

When you read this letter, you will never see me again..... i promised myself that I will only post out this letter if I have to leave you........ Yes, I am leaving..... leaving this place...... How I really wanted to stay by your side always....... never to leave you. Yet now, I have to say goodbye to you when I have never even said Hello to you before....... I always wished that I need not say Goodbye to you..... but yet I have to...... Maybe you might find my letter disturbing or even stupid.... but I have to let you know..... to let you know that, that someone actually loved you with all her heart.....that she loves you, no matter what, no matter when.... sincerely and truthfully, with all her heart and soul........

Maybe, I will never have a chance to say this in front of you, but at least I let you know. At least you knew that I wanted to tell you this.....
I love you.........

CHAPTER 2

Dear Kotoko,
Hi, I hope you would not be too surprised to actually hear from me. You must be wondering how I actually know your address, but that would be my little secret for now.

How have you been these few years? It's been almost three years since we graduated, three years since I ever saw you again.

Maybe you had not known, but actually I have already noticed you in school days........ How could I not, when you were always somewhere near me...... Actually, I have something to confess..... I had always knew that you like me. Since that very first time I saw you, I knew you liked me. Although we never knew each other in school, but surely no one could have missed it when there was such a lovely person who always looked at you in such a special and tender way.

Somehow rather, I had always felt that I knew you, but just can't explain. It's as if I had known you for a very long time, but how could it be, when I don't even know you. Perhaps you never knew, but didn't it seem strange that you were always able to be somewhere near me? Actually.... I had always tried to appear near you, really dumb, right? But that was all that I could do.....

During the three years that we left school, I thought of you, a lot...... Though we graduated for a long three years, but I often went back to our ex-school, hoping to catch a glimpse of you, but yet never successful in it. I did consider calling you, but never did so, for I was afraid. Afraid that you never really felt the same way as I did, afraid that after we graduated, you had forgotten about me, afraid that you will never be mine.......

Yet now, here I am, writing this love letter for you, my first love letter.......
But I remember from a movie scene that said, “When a person ages and has no memories, it is alright. But it would not be so if he has a lot of regrets when he is old...." I do not want to have any regrets when I am old..... That's why I have decided to do this. No matter what the outcome is, at least I told you how I felt. At least, I would never have any regrets in life. Since, I cannot bring myself to tell you in the face, how I feel, I can only convey it through this letter.
I love you........ since the first time I saw you, till now and forever.......

week 14 is coming to an end soon..

6 weeks left before school finish.. haiz, need to chiong chiong chiong!..

*bish bish*

well, had a hard time today.. as per normal, slept in class..

im hungry, i wanna eat..

i miss bein quiet..

tmrw/nxt week might be a quiet day..

^.^ bb..

a self destruct post..

izwan: must love her, is a must must must..
lzwan: wah lao, again n again..
izwan: in life, wan must nvr give up..
lzwan: u havnt make an attempt how to give up..
izwan: tu aku punye pasal ar..(muiz voice) *tat one my problem ar..*
lzwan: slap ur face damn hard telling urself
izwan: diam la..
lzwan: tat u repeating tis process
izwan: o.O
lzwan: there are many other girls who are **e**
izwan: wt-fish.. argh!.. %@%@@%@@^@%@$@^@^

*slaps face*

ok, done with the low profile budget self destructing..

never ever will i go thru tat feeling again with the same person even she does have tat feeling..

eee, no dun talk abt it..

diam la.. wah lao i dun blog..



*raise hands, points index finger up, points middle finger up, raise it high*

PEACE!.. ^.^

to Lee, u better say tis abv phrase to me before i burn ur hair.. rawr.. @.@

SUMMARISE MY DAY:

SCHOOL WAS GREAT AS USUAL..

TKS FATHUL INDIRECTLY FOR GETTING ME DRENCH IN THE RAIN..

TKS JERALD FOR THE COMPLIMENT..

TO READERS, BYE.. "-_-

XP

hello READERS!.. ^.^

today, nothing much happen just rot at home n stare the comp 24/7.. ._.

but friday was a blast.. i was late for morning class so decided not to attend ONLY morning lessons..

BUT, u noe how distractions interfere my intentions.. after friday prayers, my bro, fathul, yat, amrul seems to collide with me.. n knowing tat they were very free n have nothing to do.. sumone suggested to chill at the arcades.. well, tis was the turning point, i did not even rmbr of school.. so off we went to the arcades.. ._."

hang ard there.. bro decided to go home to buy food.. then amrul decided to go home, to buy food too.. ._. n need to attend P.A..

yat is yearning for the initial D 4 license.. it cost a total of $8 just to get a car n the license card.. o.O then $3 to play the game.. a total of $11 for first timers.. holy c0w.. tat $11 can buy up to 2 meals non upsize.. "-_-

n u noe NEBO.. forgot to take the pic of the place.. NEBO is smex.. i like the place loads.. i wanna go there often.. fun place to do projects, slack, chill, burn pockets, BOARD GAMES!.. they provide u to play BOARD GAMES!.. so fun..

it took f.y.i ard 1/2 hr to enter that place due to inexperience bomb defuser.. ._." well, one of the counter girls is so cute.. ^.^ but her voice reminds me of sumone.. X_X

gonna sign up for the membership card tmrw.. ^.^ hopefully mum sponsor.. XP bleahs..

after NEBO-ing, yat off to bugis.. me n peithol (in tat karang guni voice) walk walk at amk hub.. then off he went to take 22..

while for me, i walk back to NYP.. n JERALD call me on time when i reach nyp entrance..

waited for him for SOOOOOO loong.. he shud get a h/p.. coz its hard to reach him.. its only possible to reach him via maple or msn..

hse -> nvr pick up the phone/slp..
afandy -> i cant be bother to call him to ask where the hell is jerald..

went to kfc to have dinner.. well, since jerald bought his laptop.. he showed me a funny jap video.. uber hilarious, u guys shud request from him.. ^.^

while i ordered the food, he launch maple.. lol..

eat, eat, maple, maple, go amk hub again, "=_=, worst case NEBO again.. "-_-

n arcades again.. @_@

but the arcades at nite seems to be better.. there's an uncle.. his really relax.. u noe the machine tat filled with sweets.. then u try ur luck to get as many sweets as possible.. here is the "wow" factor..

HE FILL ONE BIG PLASTIC BAG WITH SWEETS FROM THAT MACHINE!.. N IT WAS SO BIG N THICK.. the best part is, he get to win sum plushies from the machine.. wtfish.. is CNY getting near or is he goin to open a minimart with those sweets.. or is it another creative method of suicide by indulging urself to millions of sweets..

and that wraps off the day.. ^.^



** u make me wonder.. i will be urs.. no rushing ;)

a slap in the face would really help me rite now..

6weeks left.. T_T

things have not been rite nowadays..

SAY IT LOUD N SAY IT PROUD!.. XP

~ raise hands


~ points index finger up


~ points middle finger up


~ raise it high



PEACE!.. ^.^






peace is the new smex.. my

campaign is way more better

than LIVE EARTH.. bleahs..



cost - efficient.. n it only takes

iniative to pass it ard..

voila.. im the best..

pwning.. XP

when the time hit 6pm, i have gone thru 30hrs w/o getting a slp..

will ko soon.. very soon.. XP

FINALLY PROJECT DONE!.. woots..

ok, i will rest.. mum came home from hospital bah.. after 5 days!.. within tat 5 days, i became "mum" in my hse.. cooking frying bla bla bla..

now im goin to be my mum nurse.. ^.^

n i like tis pic.. XP bleahs, i like all my pics la can.. @_@

kelly says: im black, handsome, i sing plus im rich n im a flirt..

izwan says: im brown, simple, i sing plus im rich n im a flirt..

XP

bleah.. nonsense.. bb.. projectS!.. @_@

THE TODAY'S POST

there will be 2 main sections in this blog.. warning: im not bein insensitive or whatever shit, but its just me who want to post tis out.. so bare with it.. n its super uber long.. suggest to read it before u slp or when u are free..

1) REAL INSULTS [main]
2) JOKE INSULTS [main]
3) MISS INSULTS


well, let's start with 1)..

wats with the ex bts nowadays.. esp those who i seem to be close with have change alot.. @_@ well, those who i seem to be close with are MELAYU APE..

wats with former 4e3?.. wat happen to u ppl la seh.. first, lets point out YAT!.. whats with him?.. calling other bitch w/o realising his at fault.. i mean u dun label ppl tat bad after u giving them "trouble" during hooi san bday.. wat do u expect from a bday celebrations?.. prata festival?.. im talking facts here.. bday party/celebrations = lavishing big money or set a higher budget.. on the other hand, yvette shudnt embarass yat + irsyad at her blog but she have evry right.. n damn rite i have evry rite to blog abt others.. n yat ur attitude sux recently.. well i hate to say it but well, its just me.. ._. n if its not for others mentioning it, i wouldnt mention it here..

n wats with fathul?.. what in the world did he tag at yvette's blog?.. he dun even uds wth she is saying.. n ask yat what she did at yat's blog?.. *dang* obviously he dun get a single bit of the story.. n from the past to present to the future, he wont change unless constant insults/naggings.. his apology was nvr seen to be sincere, in any case if he apologise..

so 2 of my besties are here in the insult page.. note: tis is a random insults.. anyone can appear..

n zulfah, not bein kpo or wat.. just plain observant.. it seems tat evry negative stuff tat happen to her seems to be blame on sumone else.. weird heh.. n i realise one thing, she have a similar catch phrase: "hurting me is a mistake u will regret" i can go on n on starting from yat to the present but i can assure a thing i wont be finishing my project..

whats up with tat?.. she can blabber abt all the good stuff in a day, n 1 fart away, evrything can turn negative.. like fcuk rite.. imagine saying i love u, then i dump u soon after.. ._.

next, hafidz!.. well, i dun really find u change alot but rmbr wat u say.. if u hate smokers, then why are u one?.. well, theres nothing much abt u i can point..

so, theres the list i can point out there.. 4e2 wise?.. let's see.. not much i can point out, coz i dun really kept in touch with them via reality, virtual, blog, frenster, anyways of communications within space..

4e1, till now i do feel they do not have a life.. ._.

n wats with amrul.. firstly busy with P.A, n when u finally had a free time, we wanted to play soccer BUT cancel due to lack of ppl present.. n u vent ur anger on my bro.. wtf.. vincent make the last min cancellation.. n he need to be the victim, well dun need to find us la if u want to attitude over little stuff.. in the end, u went to P.A.. so wat is there to be angry abt?..

*off-note: nabei vincent, i want to play mahjong laaaaaaaaaaaa..

darn, didnt expect it to turn out to be this short.. i wanted it to be longer, i forgot alot of ppl i want to place into section 1).. @_@ let me try to rmbr..

cant rmbr nia..

on process of proving a theory tat black hair ppl seems to be having attitude problems/etc than a gold hair guy (me).. erm, i tio own them?.. time will tell..

i dun really care if they hate me or not but its just me n me.. i talk facts after long observations.. i cant change sumone well coz they are old enough to realise their own mistakes.. eh wait, lets put it in yat's way.. their dick is big enough.. ._.

enough of section 1)

section 2)

to lighten up the moods a little..

wats up with LEE, his nick at msn

"He have a vision for tomorrow, we must believe. He's PM Lee"

nabei la, the real PM Lee listen to wat u say tio heart attack.. ._. n wth, i havnt return my coffee bean shirt.. @_@

well, section 2) is always for LEE.. nabei.. eh LEE, dun kpkb here.. XP

joking.. can can?..

n CAROLI, go to bed early la siooooooooooolllll..

3) MISS INSULTS is actually nothing.. is just the list of ppl i miss alot n kept in touch with them in msn / reality / virtually..

syasya, caroli, YAT BERG, fai, NABIL e BEAR, hajar, lee, JERALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wah lao eh, jerald make maple fun.. hahas.. at least theres a fren to talk nonsense with in-game.. spice up my gaming.. eh, when are we goin to hang out again?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

well, all sections finish.. lets start with the flaming or acceptance..

NOTE:
wat might happen
~ sum ppl wouldnt tag
~ they will blog abt me
~ they will go way off topic

* if u do feel tat i have misuse my rites on freedom of speech, u may find me near a grocery store.. im always free n eating apple..

dun kpkb if u dun uds wth im trying to bring out in this post.. well, u can always ask..

troublemakers are loved, i pwn them

hard.. ^^

a conversation tat happened in the morning.. (direct translation to english)

teacher: eyy, what happen to ur hair?..

me: hahas.. *smile*

teacher: not handsome u noe, later ppl think differently..

me: it's not abt the hair, it's abt the attitude.. *smile*

XP when i went up to the teacher, tat was when the conversation started.. well, my teacher is kind can.. ^.^

n today is the weirdest day i ever had can?.. got tis 1 guy scared the freak out of ME!.. u noe the back seat of evry bus.. 5 seats rite.. well 2 strangers sitting on the >>>

while me n my bro sit on the <<<

then one guy board tis bus, ard 30 i guess.. he sat in the middle of the 5 seats.. n damn sure his face is weird.. i was like, since my bro take up alot of space!.. n tis guy have tat weird face staring blankly to space.. i was like, can tis guy dun be freaky pls?..

he remind me of bryan (bts) but i guess bryan will freak out when see tis guy la seh.. "-_-

ok, not nice to talk abt ppl.. its just sumting to share abt.. "-_-

btw, fathul, G.E is "gerek la seh".. do u uds wat i mean now?.. @_@

n im composing a new lyrics.. ^.^ its nice.. zzz its nice coz i created it!.. @_@

now, im off.. im online (appear offline).. "-_-

yozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

just reach home.. XP

had a soccer match early in the morn.. T_T as per normal, i woke up late, i came late, i did not had my breakfast n i WAS UBER HUNGRY DURING THE MATCH.. kaos.. @_@

shud have take my breakfast.. T_T

well, met up with the BTS-nians.. had fun.. finally got to hang out with them, even its not long still worth evry minute of it..

* n stop calling me a MAT im not one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my attitude is not a MAT.. im still me.. XP

well, dun stop here.. i lost my place.. im close behind..

this above sentence is from the song, i did not noe wat to write so just write the above lyrics..

a lesson to self: even the best(me) fall down sumtimes..

high self-esteem.. XP

i cant sign in to msn for ard 10mins.. T_T

n the tagboard is up.. n new songs.. XP..

wah lao, i got update LAR.. read properly can.. "-_-

XP

i like tis pic blow can?.. ^.^

wah kao!.. today is like so the bad lor.. T_T

i did terribly for all my exams.. when i mean terribly, its terrible enough to make me go emo.. *cuts hand hysterically* T_T

well i dun wANNA talk abt it.. T_T

math!.. ARGH!.. sry MR MANO!.. zzz.. he was my source of anger ventilation.. zzz..

nvm, post pics n off to dinner.. @_@

before that, a new list.. i will be making a list of those who label me as B.M.P (budak merepek), mat.. ;D















1st pic: being "emo" during math class.. "-_-


















2nd pic: i dun really have the mood to pose for the pic.. diam ar..


















3rd pic: is it me or my hair look *woots*.. XD











o.O its small alright.. XP

*post editted at the end of post*

school was such a draaaaaagggggggggggggg today.. wth!..

i fell aslp during lessons, when i woke up, it was just a 5mins doze off.. like wth..

but i cant slp tite though, the smell of mcdonalds still in my mind.. "-_-

the best thing is, i woke up n half of the class was aslp.. zzz..

then MUIIIIIIIzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz had nothing to do and disturb me.. like wthell!.. @_@

oh yar, today quite sad.. u noe the game quadrapop in w900i.. quadrapop is similar to tetris.. well, i had outnumbered my frens record 2x.. it was ard 660k already my pts.. but it cant be saved unless u lose.. i plan to reach the million mark n lose the game

BUT!..

my h/p auto restart.. %@%@#!%!%!%@^@6

tat means my CURRENT SCORE of 660k ++ is GONE!.. *hysterical*

T_T

but its ok, im fine.. XP

its just a game.. n

G.E is great la seh.. a p2p game very soon, like wth.. no point starting..

if only MAPLE is p2p, yay.. ^.^



excerpt from song:
girl u need to come home, back to me..
coz girl u make it hard to breathe..

is tis song NICE-LICIOUS or wat?..


oh oh.. i forgot to add.. the 2007batch of O lvl takers in bts had an adam khoo workshop.. o.O omg, memories of us having it last year.. it was super fun la.. fill up my time, and seriously, the workshop did not take effect much on me.. XP

n i still wonder whether it will be repeated in bts till he K.O de.. sry to say, but sumting abt adam khoo, i dun really like him.. i mean there is sumting he seems to be hiding.. XP bleahs, its just me la.. "-_-

n wats with LEE.. @_@

wah lao LEE!.. later i put tagboard la.. hahas.. XP

n im having problems fitting in sum of my pants.. o.O im fatty.. T_T

^.^ home..

wanted to start on my project straight away after reaching home but it will be too dull for me.. "-_-

so i decided to clean MY KITCHEN!.. single-handedly.. ^.^ well, the result is satisfying.. clean here clean there clean everywhere.. o.O

i like n prefer to do chores over studies.. hahas.. im good at cleaning.. ^.^

* sum idiots would say tat im good at cleaning coz tats wat most black ppl do.. well, hope u are not an idiot.. =o im bein direct ba.. o.O

it took me ard an hour.. ^.^ now my kitchen looks neat tks to me.. yay.. O.o

well, i got nothing else to blog abt except that IM FINISHING SCHOLL 3HRS EARLIER TMRW.. hip hip hoorah.. ^.^

lets post sum random pics.. xP
































i like my hair.. seriously it really looks neat.. XP in the pic not really nice, n im goin to streak my hair.. but colours undecided.. o.O

mayb black n red, black n white o.O, black n blue, black n pink -_-"

black n red interest me recently.. o.O

EXCERPT FROM BLOG'S SONG:

I miss you so bad I cant sleep
I wish I knew where you could be
Another dude is replacing me
God this cant be happening