There is no I Can't, Only I Won't

First and foremost, this is an awesome read. Such an eye-opener. At first, i didnt want to read it. I knew it has a lot of hard truths so i kept it inside my bag. Hoping one fine day i would read it, and im surprised i actually did.

What instigated me to read the book was to pass time during my first day training. Didnt expect to complete the whole 66pages within two hours. Fyi, i got the book as a gift during a wedding i attended to at Ar-Raudhah Mosque.


Anyway, I highly recommend you to read it. I read it to further my knowledge on my own religion.

Okay, now, i had an agenda for today's post. You know why I admire footballers a lot. Not because they are earning big bucks. It is because of their drive to succeed.

Look at them and compare to us, compare to you pansy. They work hard for their footballing dreams. Other than that, they are not the typical footballers who only worked their profession. They have degrees, PhD, masters or anything synonymous under their belts. Take Ryan Giggs as an example. He is a professional football player who is ageing towards 40. He still have the drive to play, albeit on the bench most of the time. He still have time to ace his studies. Heck, he even have time to be a player and banging people's spouse.

See what i mean. Nothing is too late to start. Im glad i have started on my 6-7hours sleep per day. Im glad to know i have time to exercise before heading to work. Im glad to know i have time to read my books after work.

We are so adamant with our conscious mind decisions that we barely push ourselves to the limit. We rationalize way too often. There is no "I Can't" , only "I won't."

I do hope with constant prayers and efforts, im willing to outdo myself. I dream big. My ambitions are big. Now i need everlasting big ass efforts to achieve my dreams and ambitions. In shaa Allah, i will. In shaa Allah.

Embrace Change

Good morning netizens.

First and foremost, i am glad thereis a blogger application. Easier to blog on the go, albeit no colours and highlights. Just a simple and direct UI.

Secondly, my body clock has readjusted to this current state of mine. Waking up at 0640hrs, prayers, then power sleep till 0900hrs. Have to change the sleep schedule come monday. Working schedule is out and got to squeeze in my core exercises. Have to maintain my body and fitness. Learn to love yourself chiko. (;

And lastly, read the comment made by Austin Tan on ITE students. This is one prime example of people who are smart. They can use it for studies but never utilize it in other aspects. Shallow human being. He should bother mix around with ITE students. Everyone is bad differently so never play God and judge.
Need i remind this guy that Adam Khoo himself was a failure before he became a millionaire?

Such ignoramus. Anyway, a qucikie update in the morning. Got to give my legs a good stretch. Everyday super workout aches all over the body. (:

Taking the care.

Driven to Blog

Good day mother kanuckers. It's been awhile. I know this is not read by many but a person I'm interested in makes me want to blog more. Reason being, she has her own diary/journal which she kept since primary school days. She did say she do re-read her diary/journals to pass time and recall the fun memories.

It struck me that I had this blog for one purpose. This blog is my own memory lane. Heck, I regret deleting some pictures of my blog from my phone. Now there are posts with missing pictures. Too late to cry over spilt milk. Hopefully, I will keep updating as much as I can. A never-ending endeavour.

So let's start afresh with today, 11/10/2012...
I got the job as a part time Game Peripheral Tester. Sound awesome but my job scope are to pinpoint defects and errors on new gaming prototype. In case you wonder what is a game peripheral. An example of game peripheral is a controller. It ranges from Gaming Mouse, keyboard, headphones and etceteras. Anything gadgets/devices that are utilized for gaming are considered as Gaming Peripherals.

Pay wise, quite low but I am thankful I got this job. I have a source of income for the time being. It's located at Chai Chee so I can drop by and visit my dad whenever he's home. No excuses this time since my workplace is 5minutes away from his home.
Alhamdullilah I have a job now.

Training commences on Monday at Alexandra Road and Tuesday onwards, you are able to find me at Chai Chee. It's a one-month contract. I will go through this full one-month and try to get as much OT as possible. Hopefully within this one month, I get a call from Showa Denko or Mitsubishi. Leaning more on Showa Denko than Mitsubishi.

• Showa Denko provides company transport from Yishun MRT (BONUS)!!!
• Showa Denko's starting salary for fresh graduates are $1.9k, excluding OT and shift allowance
• Showa Denko provides uniform since it's a regimental company. No worries about clothings.

• Mitsubishi is an established company for ages.
• Mitsubishi's post of Engineering Assistant is a permanent night shift job. AWESOME!
• Mitsubishi should have a higher starting pay due to night shift. Yet to include allowance.

I'm leaning more to shift jobs than office hours as days pass faster. Office hour jobs makes me feel life is a routine. Still saying my du'a and hoping for the best outcome. Insha Allah I will get a call and interview soon for a permanent job.

Till then, yours truly have his life planned out. As for now, I will keep this post relatively short. More updates to come. (:

End of Two Chapters

Just some fun fact before I proceed with my post of the day/month, I don't disclose my blog to anyone actually. True that it was read by many of my secondary school mates back then. But as the year progresses, people forget mainly because I didn't update or they genuinely forget.

Anyway, it's been 4days ever since that day. It has been 5 nights I haven't hear her voice. To those who are still at lost, I just ended... hmm, how do I put it. The book to my platonic relationship with the girl has come to an end. I don't know if it was mutual or I got dumped. ):

How do I feel? Dejected. Didn't know what spark me to hold on to it but it just didn't work out the way I play it out in my head. I knew for quite awhile that it wont work out but love make people blind? Yeah, sadly it make me blind temporarily. My best friend had nothing nice to say in the looks department for her case but I told him that has not been the issue.

After sending her home, that last forehead kiss, I walked away quickly. That part of me wanted to convince her to stay but there are tell-tale signs even if she stays, things will just end badly. Maybe it ring a bell or two when the saying "Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things."

I was doing well moving on when she texted me asking how I was after I self-skidded. I sort of "melted" knowing that she bothered to ask my well-being. After that, I realized that it is not doing me any good. I was on the verge of moving on and her text just came in, and I had a 180degree turn of attitude. I consult friends and a motherly colleague that I truly treasure and I had to do something to help me in moving on.

And after going through her Instagram and Facebook for one final time, I decided to delete her off both accounts. That sense of relief is there, you know knowing that she won't pop up in my news feed. For Facebook wise, it's hard to avoid. Be it I delete her off, both of us share the same friends and she is bound to pop up in my news feed one way or another. Photo tagging, comments, etceteras.

Well, God Willing I will move on. A friend told me, doesn't matter if she move on or she got a new boyfriend first because it is her gain and not your loss. Your part of the story with her is done and you should be moving on. Makes a hell lot of sense. Time will tell if I am able to move on. This is like no other flings/relationship I had mainly because I knew I gave all I had but it just didn't work out.

Le sigh. End of Chapter.

Another end of chapter was yours truly is ORD. This happy moment is marred by the above chapter.
Sad notes aside, I got to start living and build my body back up. I have been neglecting my personal well-being for quite awhile now.

I better start moving on, I better start living life, I better start being happy, I better start to be fit.
In the wise words of 'Ghost'

Let's do this.

Road-less

13 more days to my official ORD date. My final shift as a NS Police Officer will be on 30/08/2012, night shift. And like any other NSFs, the day where anyone leaves the team, it will be a busy night. Hopefully, it's a different story for me. Who knows, three good arrests in a night? Probably I will try to pull off that feat. And it will be LEGEN..... wait for it......

Then the realization sets in, you need a job to survive. I have yet to find a job. After all those planning on paper, I didn't even materialize a single idea that was jot down on paper. I'm screwed. Here comes the issue where my mom wants me to sign on. Well, it is not an issue. I love patrolling. One of the highest starting pay, job security is there, pay increment is there every year and etceteras. Even with all these perks laid on the table in front of me, it is still not enough to tempt me to make an immediate decision to sign on. I should probably perform a prayer. We Muslims have this prayer called Solat Istikharah. I'm not good with explaining this, maybe you can click on the link to give a read and have a clearer picture on what I mean.

*PAUSE at 1743hrs since my brother is out of the shower. Time for me to shower.*

*DARY...... LEGENDARY. okay, be right back*

Resume at 2210hrs. That was quite awhile. Went out without bringing my phone. Downside of using Galaxy Note. Charging hours varies from 4 - 8hours. PFFTS!

I intend to delve deeper about my Hari Raya but I will skip it. I have come to terms that my brother is an idiot. Yes, you read it right. I broke my own code and oath to not talk about my family over any form of social network or to any outsiders. So please people, don't ask me about him. I am just too tired answering already. Even though our relationship is strain, I will still carry him down to his grave if God decided to take him away first rather than me. Why? He is still my brother.

I will cut off my post now. My relationship with my princess have reached to a point of, I don't know. I am tired of fighting. Sad to know that I'm being looked upon as taking her for granted. Le sigh.

Good night netizens.

Panoramic

Just a quick one. Loving the new galaxy note. On its negative, the battery drains out easily. Let's say, within 1/2 a day. Maybe I didn't charge it proper on the first time. Whatever it is, here are my panoramic views... huhu!

Can't get enough of the huge ass screen and panoramic pictures. Till then, off to my books.
And, I hope you know I want to make it right...

Pessimism

My morale is at all-time low. Can't help but to question God why do these kind of incident happen to me. What wrong did I do to deserve this. Lucky mother is around. Talked some sense to me, if not I would be extremely negative already.

Then again, all boils back to my paranoia, or just plain obsession, with karma. I got to seek solitude somewhere. It's been awhile since I sat quietly in peace. Ever since moving out of Ang Mo Kio, I have yet to find a peaceful spot where I could just stay static and reflect.

Let's hope I'm over this ordeal soon. Can't wait for end July / August. Can't wait to get my operation over and done with. It's unbearable to live on the edge. Insya'Allah all will go smoothly.

$300++ just gone like that on another minor surgery, then there's the parking notice that I have to pay for. Hopefully it's just a letter of warning. I can't risk any demerit points. 12 points is equivalent to beating a red light. Hopefully I'm able to avoid a fine too. I HATE/LOATHE/DISLIKE paying for something that's not worth for. Like parking on pavement could actually kill someone. Crap.

Instances like this makes me want to sign-on. Stable job, stable income, good bonuses but living the life of a mediocre Singaporean. I'm not going to conform. Never never neveR. God willing, I will achieve what I visualize myself in the future. Amin. No, I need to achieve that status I see myself in the future.

I will be taking off now. The negativity still brewing within. Probably have a cold shower and off to MW3. Taking the care...

Powerless

I'm still disturbed by the images. What I saw really etch deeply in the mind. How do I put it? I was rooted to the ground when I saw all that. First time, feeling so helpless. Unable to help, only crying pleas heard.

All I could think of, honestly, hell. Yeah, hell. Being burn alive, skin peeling off slowly. Subconsciously, I said a prayer. I was afraid, very. Seeing their state and knowing that there will be heaven and hell afterlife, I don't think anyone would love to be in a situation as they do.

Just need to let this out. I don't think I can get this image out of my mind in a few days to come. Things like this don't come by easily. I need to rest. Probably an early sleep would suffice...

One post per month [Le Promise]

Yeah, much to my own dismay, I didn't update this site as often as I perceive a month back. But it's okay, I will endeavour to update this at least once per month.

Lately, things have not been going well for me. Reality is harsh but I thank God for giving me the faith to keep calm and stay strong.
At times, I can't bear to stay home due to internal conflicts. The fact that I always turn to my mom is so unappealing. I hate to trouble her, but at times like this, I can't help myself but to pour my sorrows out.

Don't get me wrong here. I love my family, I do. But at times I can't help but to see someone laze around the house doing nothing. My brother is turning 23 this year and I dare say, he forgot how to be thankful and grateful. How I wish, whenever he's inside his room, he will emulate what I do when I am in my room. Just lay back and gather thoughts. Just be thankful and grateful for all the stuff you have in your room.

I dare say, at my current condition, or worse his, we can't even afford a single thing in our current room. Who can go around boasting having a 42" TV in their room?

I'm sad, truly am. I have given up talking to my brother. He just cannot accept what I say when it's inevitably true. I just came across his post stating that he is sick and tired of hearing to her rants. If the "her" is direct to our mother, I don't know how delusional and idiotic he has become.
I told mom, if he's a rich, i don't bother about his life cause he will have an easy life. But now, we have only one another.

I went to the extent to not even waking him up for Friday Prayers. Yes I sin, true. But how far can I go? He needs to wait for me to wake him up and then he will go to prayers? Or does he need my bike to actually to travel to the mosque? Whatever it is, I told mom I won't pamper him anymore. There's a limit to everything, and I cannot stand ill-discipline people.

I'm done with my rant, will update this space soon. Insya'Allah...

A Day With Elly (R15)

And so I learn how to dismantle my bike. Sadly, some fairings of the bike are machine-tighten which make it quite impossible for a person of my stature to unscrew it.
Great learning experience. Still haven't finish touching up though. Sticker residues are such a bitch. Already spent two morning trying to clear it up. Manage to clear 1/4 of the fairing this morning. Hopefully able to clear everything come morning.


Oh by the way, I wanted to respray my bike white BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?! Sandpapers are hard to find! Those finer grains wet-or-dry sandpaper don't come by easily. Not forgetting they come with a price too. Maybe when I have more off-days, I will commence with the project of respraying my bike. As for now, just leave it BLUE and focus on the interior. To those who are interested, this is a very good video below. Youtube, why you teach me a lot?

Off the bike issues, back to materials. See this watch below, I doubt it's available in Singapore. Sad much. Will search high and low when I have ample amount of time in hand. Citizen Eco-Drive Nighthawk. Lé Séxy.

Guess who's back

23/05/2010, dated about 21 months ago. Time flies.
So yeah, here I am, back to blogging. It's been awhile, I know.

Subconsciously, writing makes my mind work. And ever since I enlisted in September, I have not been reading good books and have not been writing. Please exclude all Police terms and Logsheet. That doesn't qualify as legit writings. Heck, recording statements uses Basic English. No wonder at times I find myself brain-dead.

I'm still astounded. Looking at the date of my previous post which was in 2010. Heck, a hell load of occurrence can happen within a year. When was the last time I played an actual soccer match? Can't even recall. When was the last time I visit my dad, don't even remember.

Speaking of him, he was present during my dental surgery. Nothing much to say to him. Can't blame. Male egos. On paper, I can say I love him so but I've yet to walk the talk. It hurts though, seeing that old-man. Working his ass off in this money-society. That, women, is still staying with him. More of a burden to my dad in my view. If she wasn't around, I wouldn't mind visiting and staying with my dad.

Anger aside, it's not a good excuse for me to avoid dad due to another party. I don't know why or how I'm suppose to do it but all I can say, visiting him during Hari Raya is never enough and visiting him every week will never be enough.
Miracles happen? Well I hope my mom and dad get back together at some point in the future. Fat hopes but weird things happened before, so yeah.

Heck, enough of negativity on my returning blogpost. [I is awesome].
Finally went for my dental surgery after that unfortunate mishap that occurred in 2006. Good to know I'm going to get it done. Sure as hell it hurts but if it's good in the long run, I am all in. Next appointment will be on Friday, let's hope my healing progress is going strong. Good to know I've yet to disclose a single information to any of my friends yet. (:

Well, that's all for today. Not much to write but at least these fingers are running strong. Typing skills [rust] eradicated, English usage still acceptable. Don't mention grammar, still suck at it. Must improve, I may suffer if I further my studies. 0.0

Ouh, if you do drop by and you have read to this final paragraph, please say a prayer for me that I will get a spot in SIT for me to pursue my education. Amin. (:

Graduation Week

I'm done with school. (:
No more school related stuffs need to worry about except for returning the graduation gown.


Graduation ceremony and dinner is over and done with. Now I need is space and time to collect and compose myself for something I've never done. I will upload some pictures here for graduation dinner (fat hopes). Either that, it will be up on my multiply. Take cares.

Love Game

Let us play this game. A game between you and me. It's simple.Consist of two hearts.

We mess around. Laugh and play.
Have fun. Share secrets. Tell stories.
Crying shoulders to keep our sad face.
Holding hands like we are lovers.
Think about forever. Forever of us.

But we don't fall in love.
The first one who does, loses

Wisdom is bleak

They say, at times, it's best to confide to a stranger. I did that. I glad I did. Stranger in this context doesn't brings out the literal meaning of it. This term is associated with colleagues, acquaintances and whatever suits your fancy.

I pour out my inner thoughts after bottling up for ages. It's intuitive to actually really share your perspective with the Golden Age. All sat around a table, doing our job while letting the seconds pass by. It went by pretty slowly though. Anyway, it was rather on impulse for me just to query one of them what are their thoughts about now and before. Didn't knew the conversation could last about an hour. 

From relationships to marriage to modern living and well, family, our views are shared among one another. It struck me hard that even at their age, they are working for money. Secondary objective was to kill time. 

Money to them is an issue. But I rebut stating that money is not an issue. 

Money has always been the thing that is blame upon for almost everything we do. It's harsh and it's real but my perception is different. I need to realise, sooner or later, why money is not an issue to me. I may be young to NOT understand the unwritten rule of life but wisdom is bleak. Age doesn't constitutes power or maturity so their subtle advises fall onto deaf ears.

To pit the blame on ego or independent living just stir up a plethora of emotions. Ego is my driving force while being independent was what I believe in ever since my family "trip." 

Maybe it finally sank in. I'm entering a new phase in life. I've so many things to worry about to the extend that pimples are showing. 

Entering NS, applying for University locally and abroad, supporting myself with dollars, earning more than enough to support my family was all a rosy path in my thoughts. Reality's harsh and it has derail many but I know I can make it. God's willing. (:

Angels Cry

Why should we doubt Ne-Yo? Immaculate verse. (:

I thought we'd be forever and always. You were serenity you took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right but it was OK. I do somethin' stupid and you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long. Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough. You look up. Find your love gone

And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather this storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

Abandoned Railway marked on another day.

WILL UPDATE IF I GET HOME EARLY! That's roughly around 2300hours. Out again. BYE!

As the title state it, didn't drop by the abandoned railway. The heavy rain on Saturday night till Sunday morning made it impossible for us to trek our way there. Muddy path for a few good snaps? Nah. Maybe next time will do. (: Whatever it is, a fruitful Sunday. But I'm still so adamant of crossing that bridge. Anyway, let the pictures do the talking.

Chinese Garden - Marina Barrage - Far East Plaza - Home (:

DSLR focus on the background rather than me. -.-

Thank you friend for the company (:

1. DSLR
• you need to hold and play with one to really appreciate it. basic DSLR can really make a difference
2. Once I acquire my *insert*, must visit
• Block 212
• TPE 

Premonition Much

And Angah was there by the entrance. He smiled at me as I crossed over the other side. I asked him, "Senang naik motor?"

What a dream. :x



Entered the kitchen and mom asked, "Muda² tak takut ke kaki macam gitu?"
[At a young age, aren't you scared with your leg's condition?]

I gave her a puzzled "what." I didn't know what to say. She reiterate that we are growing old and remind me that I will be looking after her. But how is it possible with my ankle injury? The beauty of short conversations. -.-

Drop the World

Vroom Vroom

Before I continue, pictures will be uploaded soon. I will start uploading them to Multiply once I get the photos from THY. Outdated photos are from BBQ [year 3], OCBC event and Sugi's birthday event. Not much pictures to begin with in the first place. ):


Anyway, rain pours again. I'm not like the rest who welcome rain with open arms. Drizzling is fine by me but rain? They are scary at times. Had an epic barbeque on Thursday. Great company in overall and great food. The amount of food available was jaw-dropping. More than enough to feed a bus. (:


Hmm, I queried my mom the other day about riding a bike. Pretty indirectly but mom being mom, she knows my intention. I told her that I intend to get my license while serving NS. Didn't garner in the expected response, but she SEEMS to be okay with it. Here's the thing, had a small talk with my classmates on Tuesday BBQ about bike riding. One being a rider himself, he pretty much detest the idea of bike-riding. Irony much.


I'm pretty adamant about getting my own transport. And I have lose faith in our "world-class" public transport. Even if I don't embrace nightlife much, having my own transport won't limit my mobility at night. Frankly speaking, I don't see myself on a bike. But this overwhelming urge in me kept insisting. One way or another, hopefully, I will get my bike. I hope I will be able to get my own midway through NS. On hindsight, the rain will limit my mobility. -___- Bloody hell.


And yes, history will be there to haunt me. What's done is done. I won't pretend but it did and still hurts me to think about it. It took me time to get over my grief and I'm sure it will take more time for me to get over this dilemma. I may plan this way ahead but halfway through next year, I will be a few months shy from reaching a year in NS. And that time frame is short.

Going all South

This below, may not make much sense to many. But bear with me, it will shift laterally from different perspectives.



I do not know how long more this will go. In my utmost humble opinion, it's warming to the heart to know that I made something out of you. I can't believe, a person of my caliber made such a statement, or let me say, an impact, in your life. It may contradict your judgement, but my assumptions are always a cut above the rest.


As I was saying, it was warming and flattering to begin with. But as the weeks passes, it gets highly irritating. To the extend where you, yourself do not know who you are. Every words that you seem to key in are just a sore to my eye. Pretty much synonymous to a bacteria. Worsens the condition of one as it multiplies.


You may come to your defense stating that I may choose not to read. It's true that you have a point, but it tentatively defeats the purpose. Your actions are planned, your words are conspicuous. This was all a cunning ploy to attract my attention. You may not realise but blatantly ripping off someone shows how disoriented you are. And seriously, fo sho? Seriously?


Whatever I extrapolate may be unjust but I'm certain that it's been going on for abit. Should I enumerate further? It's not patented but to come across someone who starts using them after "getting-to-know" period, it's really disturbing. My assumptions here are not deluded by any form of compunction. This obsession has got to stop. I'm highly disturbed by your acts to the extend that I think you are pathetic. LAWL, sounds all too familiar aye?


Maybe I'm a little bit late to point it out. I hope you change and revert to who you are.
This is a personal tirade. What I say here doesn't convey much unless the respective party choose to adhere it. On hindsight, this is one of the rarest moments that I'm subtle and tactful with my words. (:





p/s: this is not Going All South (Y)